make painful choices

When we say "yes" to one thing, we may, by implication of course, will be saying "no" to something else. At the same time, when we allow certain person into our personal lives, we will not able to give the same acces to others. This is something reasonable because we cannot do everything and cannot befriend every person we come across. So, everytime we are having to make choices. We may make wrong choices, but more often our choiches are difficult. Sometimes they are painful. Every choice has its own implication so it is important to have appropriate criteria to choose something. For it is not easy to set limits, and it is even more dificult to accept our own limitations. We think sometimes to make everybody happy, nobody will be excluded or we want to be available to everybody. But reality tells something different "those who want to be for "everyone" find themselves often unable to be close to anyone. This reality doesn't mean that we have to limit ourselves to the one rather than to be available to the many. It means, istead, that our zeal to help many, we may in fact be helping no one. So, really to link up with others as true friend is more demanding. Thus setting limits and understanding our limitations is not so much a matter of witholding ourselves, but of focusing ourselves for true friendship and service.

Chicago

I'm in Chicago now. I arrived at 06.30 in the morning with Pascal, Paul, Francois and Alex. After long hours of trip finally I got home in the dawn with great weather. Chicago, I miss you so much after I left you for six weeks. I come back to my lovely room in the third floor. I found my room so dusty and unorganized. So first time I did this morning was to clean and put everything in order. I threw away a lot of junk and papers. I moved some plants from rest room to the top of table in the corner of my room. I cleaned the floor by vacuum cleaner. Now everything is so clean and organized. My new books are waiting to be read while many CD's are waiting to be listened. In the afternoon I was bussy to choose what course I should take this coming semester. As ussual I skimmed the sheet from CTU. I am lucky that there is possibility to transfer my credits I got from Indonesia. At the same time I received one book from my friend Alexander Aur in Indonesia. Ignas brought it for me. Alex was my classmate when we were studying Philosophy in Jakarta. He is really a nice fellow, we used to share and discuss many issues. His deep concern in humanity influences his way of thinking until he wrote one book "Perjalanan Mengelilingi Kamar". This book contains a compilation of his short stories that he wrote since he was in high school. Some of the stories I read already when I were with him in Xaverian house. Three years ago he decided to realize his dreaming, he said to me "I will find my self-realization and my whole-being in the midst of suffering in the society". I remember before I left Indonesia we ate out together, had a nice dinner. I miss all my friends so much!

New York

I've been in New York for five days. I left Phila on Friday 12th with Alex headed to the bus station in China Town. P. Astanto and Santi drove us to the bus station. Actually it was my third times to go to New York. Before, I went there with Santi to drop P. Susilo to the St. John University and the second times was to pick up P. Astanto from JFK air port. New York is really a big city ( the second one after LA). I spent my time to go some places from corner to corner. Eventhough this city is crowded but everything is so organized especially the way how to manage public tansportation. I could reach every place I want to go only by seeing in the map. By Subway transportation and bus every place can be reached very easy. In every corner of the city there is map and information's center.

Back to Chicago?

Time went by very fast. I've been in Phila for six weeks. It has been a great moment for me. Today is my last day in Philadelphia and honestly I want to stay longer here. Many people ask me to stay longer here but I have decided to go back to Chicago. May be I have fallen in love at the first sight with this place. I learn more and more to be a good listener, to be generous with people and to serve others. I would like to thank everybody who has helped me here, give me shelter and everything I want. I can't mention one by one. I'll keep you all in my mind and don't forget to keep in touch with me. Tomorrow at 10 am I'm will be heading to New York to spend six days for vacation before going back to Chicago. I'll miss you all.

Burdensome Work

We can't live without work. While work gives us opportunity to gain an income, to make an impact on our world, to utilize our gifts and creativity, and to work cooperatively with others, it is also a burdensome task. Why? There are many reasons why this is often so. The workplace can be the place of competition rather than cooperation. It can be the place where everybody tries as maximal as possible to show that I'm better than you. Here there are intriques and manipulations. Because of the pressure for specialization, work frequently frustrates the expression of our gifts. And sadly, work can often bring with it undesirable consequences that do not improve the quality of life and our environment. We make things harder for ourselves by pushing ourselves when we are already doing enough. We worry about thins that end up resolving themselves. We are irritable when there are insufficient rewards for the things we do. Thus the burden of work is compunded. The potentially joyful aspects of work become submerged and work becomes a largely negative experience. While we cannot always do something about the structural and interpersonal factors that affect our work, we can do something about our own attitudes. It's better to practice solitude in our lives that empower us to work differently. Solitude helps us to find a restful spirit in the midst of a busy workplace. Solitude urges us to work in different way.

Book Baton

Pertama-tama terima kasih buat Fannie, anak UI teman di dunia maya yang telah melemparkan book baton ini pada saya (nih anak kasih PR berat!). Ini merupakan postingan paling susah yang pernah saya tulis. Biasanya buka Blog dan langsung nulis di depan komputer. Kali ini perlu penelitian lebih lanjut, setidak-tidaknya mengingat kembali buku-buku di rak kamar saya. Sayangnya postingan ini saya buat di tempat yang jauh dari kamar saya di lantai 4 apartement di Chicago. Syukurlah saya masih ingat buku-buku saya di Indonesia dan di USA. Di Indo buku-buku kesayangan saya ketika kuliah telah terpak dengan rapi dan telah terkirim ke kampung halaman. Kebanyakan buku saya bertema Filsafat, Teologi dan Sosiologi. Sebagian lagi bertema Keislaman Indonesia karya Ahmad Wahib, Cak Nur, Buddhi Munawar-Rahman dan buku-buku terjemahan dari penerbit Mizan. Saya menyukai Filsafat dan Sosiologi Agama. 60% buku saya bertema filsafat mulai dari Sejarah Filsafat Barat Kuno karya K. Bertens sampai buku-buku yang susah dicerna seperti Phenomenology of Perception karya Maurice Merleau-Ponty. Di ranah Teologi ada Rancang Bangun Teologi karya Robert Schreiter, masterpiece-nya David Bosh, Transforming Mission. Buku-buku sosiologi ada buku klasik Max Weber, The Protestan Ethic and Spirit of Capitalism (ini salah satu buku "keramat" favorit saya), ada The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise its the Sociology of Knowledge karya Peter Berger dan Thomas Luckman, dan yang terbaru kaya Jose Casanova Public Religions in the Modern World. Buku-buku itu ada yang asli dan ada yang kopian. Di sana tersusun rapi ratusan buku dari yang tipis sampai yang tebal banget. Tapi rupanya banyak temen di rumah tidak berniat membaca buku-buku yang asing bagi orang kebanyakan. Rupanya Filsafat di Indonesia masih dianggap sebagai ilmu tanpa faedah dan susah dicerna. Saya juga menyukai buku-buku sastra yang kebanyakan kumpulan cerpen Kompas. Itulah gambaran singkat tentang buku saya.

1. Jumlah Buku yang saya punya

Saya tidak pernah menghitung jumlah buku saya tetapi saya ingat hampir semua buku yang saya punya.

2. Buku yang terakhir saya beli.

Kebetulan saya diberi gift card di Border Book Store jadi seminggu lalu saya beli empat buku semuanya bertema spiritualitas.

1. Dare to Journey with Henry Nouwen karya Charles Ringma
2. 101 Things Everyone Should Know about Catholicism karya Helen Keller et all..
3. Finding My Way Home karya Henri J.M Nouwen
4. Turn My Mourning Into Dancing karya Henri Nouwen

Ada 2 Novel lagi pemberian Mbak Indah seorang interpreter alumni UI yang sedang bekerja di Voice of America:

1. Away From You karya Melanie Finn
2. The Red Hot Empres, an Annie Szabo Mystery karya Meredith Blevins.

3. Buku yang sedang saya baca

Saat ini saya sedang memfokuskan diri pada satu buku berjudul The Power of Now, a guide to spiritual enlightenment, karya Eckhart Tolle. Buku ini bersifat universal artinya untuk siapa saja, merupakan sintesis ajaran-ajaran bijaksana bagi mereka yang punya interest pada spiritual consiousness untuk kultivasi diri terutama menghadapi dunia yang semakin choatic ini.

4. Lima buku yang berarti bagi saya (kalau disuruh lima ya susah milihnya)

1. Pemikiran Karl Marx karya Magnis Suseno. Buku ini mengulas tuntas karya pemikiran Marx yang sering disalah mengerti itu. Menarik karena buku ini pernah dibakar FPI sebelum mereka membaca isinya.

2. The Protestan Ethic and Spirit of Capitalism karya Max Weber. Buku ini termasuk tua dan wajib dibaca mereka yang ingin belajar tentang sosiologi agama. Berisi tentang analisa sosial kapitalisme. Menurut Weber asketisme calvinis menyumbang lahirnya kapitalisme tetapi berakhir pada proses sekularisasi dalam the iron cage of capitalism. Kapitalisme melupakan apa yang telah melahirkannya, inilah yang patut ditangisi.

3. Dare to Journey with Henri Nouwen karya Charles Ringma. Buku ini berisi tentang kebijaksanaan tentang kehidupan keseharian seperti arti kesepian, persahabatan, penderitaan. Cukup ringan dibaca tapi bermanfaat.

4. The Power of Now karya Eckhart Tolle. Buku ini lumayan berat namun excellent. Ada pengandaian-pengandaian filsafat dan teologi yang diperlukan sebelum membacanya. You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold. That is how important you are.

5. Terakhir semua buku karya Henri Mouwen yang membawa inspirasi hidup bagi diri saya.

Terakhir yang akan saya berikan book baton ini adalah:

1. Femi
2. Belissima
3. Sherly
4. Shierly
5. Esti

Kelimanya adalah perempuan yang suka membaca!

The risk of living

We can create a very safe world for ourselves. We establish our work routines, cultivate a few friendships, develop certain family patterns. We center our lives to be fruitful and useful for us and others. We maintain certain spiritual disciplines and take on certain commitments. None of these things in itself need necesserarily be inappropriate. But all this may spring from the doubtful motivation of trying to make for ourselves a safe and secure world. We create circumstances that guarantee us from insecurity and risks, a world that guards us from risks and shelters us from new challenges. This world not only sustains us but also anesthetizes us. I think the inner life cannot fully develop under these circumstances. Safety is not always a key to growth. But by questioning, searching, and risk-taking obviously we are going to grow. We need to cease taking our world for granted and begin taking our questions into the arena of life by living them out practically. True questioning can only lead to a new doing. Searching can only lead to shattering some of our securities and risk -taking can only to new life. The question we raise have to be lived practically rather than developed intelectually. Are we afraid to take a risk in our lives?