Philadelphia!

According to the schedule I will be leaving at 2 o'clock with Alejandro. The tickets are at hand already. Ehm...I'll take the bus for this long trip. It benefits me especialy I could enjoy the trip by reading some books. I just prepared some books and packed them all in my luggage. Just to make sure that I will have ample time to read and read. There are two different books I will bring, academic book and fun book. According to the forecaster it's gonna be very hot today. The temperature is not friendly, it is the hottest day since a few years ago. It has hit over 90 degrees. Anyway this morning I need to pack everything, do my laundry and iron some clothes. Wawan, Paschal and francois left already yesterday to New York. They will be working with the missionary of charity (the sister congregation founded by mother Theresa of Calcuta) among downtrodden and poor people. So I have been home alone since yesterday. I don't know if I will have an acces for the Internet during my work in Philadelphia. But...my lovely diary will be with me everytime so I could jot down my experience. I'm happy also today that I finished filling out my application for CTU. I don't know exactly if I can transfer some courses I got already in Jakarta. Otherwise, I will stay longer in the USA at least six years. Ehm....I like studying but I don't want to repeat something I have learned before. I need also to arrange my personal schedule and follow it. See you later!

welcome to the windy city!

I moved to Chicago already. Last night Adolph drove me down to Chicago. Chicago will be my base camp for four years until my graduation.Welcome to the windy city, one of the biggest city in the USA. I chose already my own room, in the third story of the apartment close to the computer room. I will use the computer very often before I have my private computer. It is a very wide room with several plans inside, there is a bathroom, one longer desk. I like very much this room. Tomorrow I will be leaving for philadelphia with Alejandro. I will be there for six weeks as well as for my adaptation in the US culture. One year is nothing to recognize american people. Eventhough I eat their food and speak their language but it doesn't mean that I know well about America. I would like to thank everybody who helps and supports me. I will keep in mind my former classmates, Agung and Hebry in Paris also Marsel in Philipine, Utomo in Italy, Kadek in Mexico, Denny, Wawan and Ignas in the USA. You are all great!

Festival!

Hari ini hari kedua festival. Masih aja ancur badan ini. Pagi-pagi bangun jam 07.30 mandi, trus kembali angkat-angkat peralatan games. Semalam ujan jadi pagi ini agak mendung sedikit. Pukul 9.00 orang-orang udah berdatangan. Aku kagum juga ama antusiasme orang amrik dalam menghadiri festival. Seluruh garden tuh penuh dengan mobil. Trus pk.10.30 ada misa di Garden di bawah rindangnya pohon dan semilir angin. Segera setelah misa banyak orang menyerbu chicken dinner. Hm...ampe ngantri ya karena memang harganya yang miring 6 bucks untuk dewasa dan 3 bucks untuk anak-anak, dibandingin di restoran yang pasti di atas 10 bucks. Begitu juga banyak games yang diserbu penonton. Aku habis kalah main lempar bola. Mainnya tuh mudah sekali lempar bola ke ring kemudian bola akan bergulir dan menempati lubang dengan warna tertentu. Trus kita pasang sesuai warna. Ada merah, kuning, hijau, putih, biru dan hitam. Semakin kecil probabilitasnya semakin besar hadiahnya. Misalnya aja warna hitam setiap pasang 1 dollar dapat 10 dollars. Yah..kayak judi gitu! Aku kalah 12 dollars. gara-garanya daku pasang sekali eh dapet 5 dollars jadi keterusan and lost. It's not too bad just for fun. Trus gitu daku ketemu wawan di tempat game yang lain. Di sana tuh aku pasang 50 cent. Dasar Wawan keberuntungannya besar daku dapet 10 dollar. Aku juga salut ama orang amrik yang pekerja keras. Mereka tuh tahu bagaimana mendidik anak untuk mandiri. Misalnya aja waktu summer gini anak-anak college tuh pada make money dengan bekerja apa saja. Beberapa hari yang lalu aku ketemu beberapa anak remaja yang potong rumput, ada ynag membersiin taman. Mereka tuh nggak malu meskipun anak orang kaya. Di Indo tentu lain, anak orang berpunya lebih suka hang out rame-rame pakai mobil ke mana-mana. Daku jadi berpikir semangat kerja tinggi inilah yang membuat amrik maju. Yah...meskipun agak individualis tetapi mereka tuh benar-benar menghargai kebebasan orang lain. Di jalan raya misalnya, sopan-santun berlalu-lintas tuh udah pada tingkat pengertian tinggi. Kadang-kadang di intersection tidak ada traffic light tapi mereka tahu pasti siapa yang harus duluan lewat. Anyway hari ini hari terakhir festival, besok harus kembali meng set-up semuanya seperti semula. Melelahkan memang!

Ancur....

Ehm....sejak seminggu ini badan aku ancur banget. Pertama-tama harus nyiapin tetek-bengek untuk mission festival. Dan ini soal kerja otot benar.....angkat meja, kursi, rummage, pasang tenda! Pokoknya yang ada hanya lelah dan ngantuk. Sudah gitu panasnya setengah mati, kayak di Indo benar. Meskipun gitu kemarin masih sempat juga main bola ama temen-temen dari Marquette (makasih Mokun yang ngundang international student ke tempat aku). Malam kaki bengkak-bengkak tapi masih sempat nonton final NBA meskipun harus berakhir dengankekecewaan. Soalnya aku jagoin Detroit Piston karena ada Hamilton, Walace and Billups tapi dasar lagi nggak mujur kalah deh ama San Antonio Spurs. Kecewa berat pokoknya. Trus hari ini hari super sibuk. Dari pagi ampe sore sibuk nyiapin makanan, game trus hm...odious work man...cuci piring. Kayak pedagang kaki lima gitulah. Tapi daku kagum benar ama orang Amrik bagaimana cara apreciate others. Misalnya aja di Indo orang pasti gengsi beli barang second atau rummage tapi di sini yang namanya rummage sale orang pada ngantri. Yah memang ada beberapa barang yang memang bagus, seperti komputer yang masih bagus lah untuk ukuran student cuman 20 bucks atau TV cuman 10 bucks. Dalam sekejap barang-barang incaran daku udah lenyap termasuk gitar yang udah fals banget lenyap. Tapi di sela-sela kesibukan daku masih sempat juga lari menyelinap ke ruang komputer dan nulis Blog bahkan ampe ganti shoutmix segala! Dasar ancur..biar sekalian ancur! Kayaknya perlu cari volunteer untuk mijit nih!

my prayer today

Dear God, sometimes I get angry so easily. Things go wrong, people don't act the way I want them to, someone's words rub me the wrong way. Help me, Father, to control my anger, to keep it from spilling out, hurting those around me. Remind me that usually, when it comes right down to it, I'm angry simply because I can't have my own way. Give me the strength to accept whatever You send into my life. Amen!

That is my prayer today when I get upset of myself and everyone around me. I feel as if I didn't have enough power to win in every race of my life. Whenever I try to focus everything on the right way according to what I have scheduled, at the same time, the temptations are coming to draw my attention. And...I lose completely! Hm....

Teach me God when I feel tempted to run immediately to You, so that each temptation becomes the point where I immediately draw near to You, a knot that ties me even closer to your presence. Amen!

ehm...

I and my favorite thirst qeuncher, Gatorade!

Great!

Today was great, everything was great. It was a sunny day with a mild wind. In the morning as soon as I woke up I opened the window and I saw how the birds were chirping. They welcomed me to keep in touch with the nature and to recite the thanksgiving psalm. I was cured from my listless and distraction. I began today with courageous and spirit. I thought it was a clear sign to make today better than yesterday. My soul was filled by joyfulness. Thank God for everything you have done in my life. Now I understand that there is correlation between happines and memory. Sometimes, I'm happy without knowing the reason why I'm happy and it happens because of my memory. Having positive thinking means keep in mind positive memory. It makes me happy. This morning, after personal prayer and breakfast, I prepared some songs because I had to accompany the mass at 4.30 in the afternoon. I played organ and guitar. We had a nice and peaceful celebration today. My friends Francois and Valery renewed their vows. About 25 people came including our classmates from Sacred Heart School of Theology. Wawan and Alejandro from Chicago came as well, they will be here for one week to help us preparing the mission festival next week. This week will be very hard for me but I'm happy. I like to work together especialy physical work. I'm gonna lose my weight.....I still have ten days in Franklin before I transfer to Chicago. Next week, I will be in Philadelphia for six weeks to work with people over there. It's gonna be great for me.

Saturday!

Time went by very fast. Saturday is a blessed day. This morning I woke up at 07 o'clock, took a shower, checked my email and finally went to st. mary church to attend the funeral. Van Der Hayden passed away on Wednesday night and this morning the corp was cremated. The mass was presided by fr. dominic. It was a very peaceful ceremony. There I met an indonesian couple. They are the friends of Van Der Hayden's son. I made a short conversation with them before mass but now I completely forget their name (realy my memory is terrible). Van der Heyden is an incredible person that has helped our community in the USA. He donated many things to support us especialy for housing maintenance. After ceremony it was fallowed by lunch in Meyers restaurant. It was a nice lunch with a beautiful place and warm conversation. At 1 o'clock I went back. I didn't know why I was tired. I slept for two hours until 4 o'clock. As soon as I woke up I write this blog. Today the guys from chicago will come over here. They will stay here for one week to prepare mission festival that will be held on Sunday 25-26. It's gonna be a great moment to meet them!

again and again!

I am a great proscrastinator. Here is my real schedule that I should have done last week. First of all, I should have finished to fill out the form from CTU for my enrollment in this school. But, I didn't finish yet because I put off to do that. I just wanted to R and R, enjoy my spare time to watch NBA game or movie on television. I thought I had a lot of time to finish my own bussines. Secondly, I promised to write a letter to my parent but I had no idea. I had time actually but to write something special to my parents, it is not an easy work. At first I have to memorize again my mother language. Javanese language is more complicated because there is kind of hierarchy. We speak different grade of language with every person depend on how far we recpect to them. To speak with older people we ussualy use the highest level (krama ingil). I never use this language for long time about ten years. So, I didn't write a letter because of this reason. It seem reasonable! By the way I don't want to waste time just to critize myself. Now it's better to do something useful. I should have a priority to manage everything according to its urgency. Here is my schedule...cleaning my room by vacuum cleaner or dust remover, packing all my stuff in luggage, filling out form from CTU, and sleeping....! That's seat!

Singing!

I do like singing and playing music. Honestly, I don't have a nice voice and I'm not a musician. I play music just for fun. After lunch or dinner is the best time to play music. Today, I enjoyed singing "You raise me up". It is a very romantic song. By singing I feel enjoy. I learned music by myself, nobody taught me how to play guitar or organ. That is why some people here are amazed how I can play music without taking course. They always ask me if I ever took course in music. Absolutely never! Sometimes I just need to listen to the song and by my feeling I can find the chord or the note. Actually I don't have talent in music, I just master the basic knowlegde in music and then by strong will I try to develop it. When I have no idea I will play a music and the new idea will come up afteward. My favorit song is "yogyakarta" by Katon. This song makes me fly.....of course, there is a story behind that song!

My Idola

If I were asked about my idola in my life I would say "my father". He is realy an outstanding person who brings his children up to be an honest man. I remember during supper (we always had supper together) my father told us (my brother, my sister and I) many kind of wisdom words. He told everything wisely and softly. I grew up under the supervision of my father. I collected all his letter until now. Last year before my departure to the USA I spent one month with him. I showed all his letters and he looked very happy about that. He gives me freedom to decide everything in my life because he believes me that I am no longer child, I am able to do the best. I always keep in mind what my father told me. For instance he used to say "always tell the truth" and "never hurt others by actions or words". These are very simple advice but very deep. Now, I know what my father meant when I live with different people from many countries and backgrounds. This coming week, I would like to write a letter to my father, special for him. I thank God for my lovely family that brings me up and forms me. It is my precious tresure from God.

My new insight today

I don't know why today I had no idea. I just wanted to be quiet. It was a difficult time where I wasn't able to concentrate my self on one work. I was overwhelmed by anxiety. When I asked my self why, I couldn't even find the source of my anxiety. Should I let this feeling exist and disappear by itself? Or should I go deeper to find the main problem? Ehm...the more I think this problem the more I am preoccupied by it. Then, I have an insight that if I run away from my own problem it doesn't solve my problem. Sometimes very easy to say "just forget it", as if it were the best way to solve the problem. Forgetting some problems means creating more problem that will explode next time. I don't want to do that. I need to go to the problem itself, recognize it very well and cure it. I am an ambitious person. I put my identity on what I have done to prove that I am able to reach my lofty goal. I try to do something perfect to show that I have an ability. When I was a child my father used to say that my brother was the best in school and sport. I was realy jeolous of him. My brother won in many competitions, anyway he was the best in his class. Unconciuosly, I wanted to be like my brother. I wanted to do everything just to be like him. I think this "wound" has been influencing me until now. Now I want to this and to do that without priority for all look like very urgent. This is the problem. I want to do everything without counting my limitation. Hm...thank God for this awareness! By writing down this experience I hope I can overcome my problem.

Transitions in my life

Life is filled with transitions. If I have gotten this far in life, we have experienced thousands of transitions. First transition I think came about from the womb to independent life. That is why when I was born we cried. Why? Because I felt unsafe. When I was in my mother's womb, everything I needed was available. I was able to breathe, eat, sleep without worried. I had a privileged place, everything was for me. I had no problem. But after nine months I had to be born. It was a new situation, very sad actually for me because I left my lovely place. Obviously, I lost my privileged and becoming a vulnerable and fragile being. I was absolutely dependent on my mother. When I was a child and began to enter elementary school I felt so nervous. I faced a new situation, everything was strange there. I had nobody who sustained and praised me anymore like in my house. So I was crying when the teacher called me and told me something. In my family I was "a king" but among them I was nothing. When I was in high school I had a new transition as well. From the small village moved to the city made me nervous. I looked for in myself something that made me confortable and at home in facing my friends. I think it was the most difficult time for me to adjust myself to get used to the new situation. I was thinking how to be the best in my study and it was a quarantee to be accepted very well by my friends. Two years after graduated high school I moved to Jakarta. Again and again it was a great transition I have ever had. Studying philosophy, teaching in public high school, doing ministry etc.....transition and transition. Transforming from one transition to another transition is part of my life. I am aware that the birth moment is sadness for me but happiness for others. Life is so colorful. Sometimes, I am happy and sometimes I am sad. Happines and sadness are part of my life.

Tip for today!

I don't know how many times I changed the music video in my blog. It made me crazy, because the picture didn't show up directly eventhough I modified the size and so forth. At first, It was OK but when I checked my blog in other computer. Oh...my gosh...it was terrible. Finally, I found the way after I spent more than one hour to figure it out. I chose my lovely song "breathless"- The Corrs. Actually it is very simple to put music video in your blog. The main problem is just to find the proper place where we should put the video. Because if it doesn't fit, it will destroy the body of your blog. Here is the way for everybody who is interested in using music video in their blog. First click this site http://www.musicvideocodes.com/. After that choose the artist you want (there is a list over there) and copy the script below the video and paste in the template or wherever you want to put the music. Besides that you can change the size according to your interest. But I suggest to make sure that before you publish something please click button preview to know the result. Good luck!

Life is so precious

I do believe that life is so precious. Consequently, I will make my life meaningful for others. From my experience, the more I center everything in ME, the more I feel useless. I'm realy afraid of feeling useless. I realize that the meaning of my life is not in ME but on how far I dedicate myself to others. It doesn't mean that I forget my own bussines because I will develop my talent in order I am able to share with others. What I posses will be meningful as long as I share it with others. Unconciously in sharing with others, I find my life is so meaningful, full of gratitude. Sharing with others enriches my life. I do believe that, eventhough in reality I'm preoccupied by selfish very often. Life is so precious. I want you live so I can live too. Ti voglio bene!

My routine on Sunday

On Sunday everything seems very nice. I can sleep longer than ussual. I wake up 8 o'clock in the morning. I don't know if my friends in Idonesia know about my habit on Sunday, perhaps, they will call me a freak person. Of course, because I used to wake up early in the morning at 5 o'clock and it seemed very strange if we woke up late. Even when I was in Jakarta before taking a shower I did jogging for about thirty minutes. As a result I always was in the good health. But I am talking about six years ago. But this morning I did purposely to have a longer sleep and after that I made my own breakfast, fried eggs, rice and a cup of coffe milk. There is no day without playing music, so I played the piano for ten minutes before leaving for mass. I went to Mount Carmel with Fr. Larry, Francois and Valery. Mount Carmel is a nursing home, 15 minutes by car from my base camp, Franklin. It is a peaceful and nice place. After mass, as ussual I gave a hand to bring back some of old people to their room by pushing their wheel chairs. Talking and sharing with them make me happy as well as energize myself to learn how to appreciate others. Eventhough the topic itself was not very interesting. At first, we talked about the weather and the weekend. These are the common conversations, "Ehm..it's a nice day, isn't it? or "How was your weekend? or "How are you doing? These are like a mantra. After that we could change other topic. Fortunately, the weather was great today, it was a sunny day. So, we were talking about the weather and how people are realy happy having a summer break, taking their vacation and enjoying their lives. Old people like to talk something good and enjoyable, this is the way to start a conversation. Very often, they kidnap me, asked me to stay longer with them just to listen to their story. On Sunday evening, usualy I cook for my community. Rice is the easiest one and then pizza and potato! If Sunday is a grace what's about Monday? Ehm..I have no idea!

Weekend again!

I was tired. I realy worked hard today. In the morning, I had long hours meeting more than two hours. This was the longest meeting I've ever had in my life (I'm kidding). Perhaps, I need to learn how to be a good listener, it's better to undestand than to be understood. The meeting was ended at 12 o'clock, afterward I had lunch. After lunch I checked my email and began working. I threw away a lot of stuff from the old building. There were wooden doors, glass windows, dishes and some rummage that were inherited down from age to age. I was thinking mybe they thought everything would have been useful. So I organized everything inside. It was a dirty building that never be cleaned for a long time. Anyway, eventhough I was tired but I was happy with my physical work today. At least I could push myself to move little bit as well as I did my exercise. The weather was not good, it had hit more than 90 degrees. I was working with unbereable hot, strong wind and bad smell. I was like a shriveled plant that was lack of water. Oh..my God. This weekend I don't have something interesting to do except tonight I will enjoy the NBA game. So, I'm preparing wine and popcorn to enjoy the game!

Hadirnya masa lalu

Kubuka lagi buku harianku beberapa tahun yang lalu. Aneh diari itu tidak bertanggal. Barulah aku mengerti, waktu itu aku menyakini waktu itu liar jadi tidak penting. Baru kemudian aku tersadar bahwa aku yang sekarang adalah bagian dari masa lalu. Dua puctum refleksi filosofis yang kutemukan sangat menarik untuk disimak. Kadang aku mengagumi diriku sendiri.

****

Tuhanku adalah Tuhan bagi diriku sendiri. Adakah kehendak Tuhan? Menurutku yang ada adalah kehendakku. Kehendakku yang kukuasai penuh dan kusadari sebagai milikku. Kehendak Tuhan definitif tidak ada. Yang ada kehendakku sendiri tetapi dalam kesadaran bahwa Tuhan menyetujui apa yang aku lakukan. Karenanya aku bebas bertindak tetapi masalahya apakah Tuhan setuju atau tidak, di situlah letak permasalahannya. Tuhan tahu segalanya.
****
Rasional apa artinya? Mengapa orang mengagungkannya? Bertindak rasional sebenarnya menggelisahkan. Mengapa? Karena kenyataan bahwa banyak fakta yang tidak rasional. Menjadi rasional adalah baik tetapi menjadi rasionalistis, menguji segalanya dengan ukuran rasional akhirnya menjadi tidak rasional lagi. Tuhan itu rasional tetapi memikirkan Tuhan dengan semata-mata rasional adalah reduksi. Bukankah ia mutlak? “Ah, ini hanya kerja otak sampingan” kataku.
****